looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
31st August 2006
sighx. teachers' day had finally come. i know, i should be happy. sighx. but how to be happy when three of the MOST important people turn out not what i expected. AH...................................... bryan IGNORE ME!!!!!!! jason NEVER come!!!!!! kelvin..... among all three is the best de. but i still have to go plaza to see him. AH............................................................. WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! i wanna cry liao lah. WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! WHY LIKE THAT?! *CRIES* i dun mind jason gor gor dun come cos i understand that he is taking o-level soon. so.... ya..... he need to mug!!! I UNDERSTAND!!!! kelvin, i also understand cos i went to plaza to meet him. he needs to buy his specs by today for some reasons i dun feel like telling you through this post. SIGHX! he's still ok cos at least he spend some quality time with us, which is me and jolynn. SIGHX! but............. BRYAN HO WEI JIE!!!! he really suck man!! really really. a TOTAL FLIRT-ER! SIGHX!! he ignored me. when im... when im... when im... when im... *cries* his ex and now, his jie jie. i treat him as my brother but i dun think he treat me as jie anymore. and it really hurt me. REALLY HURTS YOU KNOW!!! do you know that my eyes is choked with tears now while im writing this. but i cant CRY OUT LOUD!!! my parents may come in anytime. i hurt my leg and when i walk it kinda hurt. kinda ya.... "kinda" it hurts! WHAT'S UP TODAY MAN?! A WHAT?! HURT ISABEL DAY?!?!??!?!?!?! *CRIES* i dunno if im jealous or what. but even if i jealous, im jealous cos he like her girl that is not good at all. and im his JIE no matter what. (i hope.) SIGHX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like screaming my head off! im really sad... confused... disappointed... regretful.... im fulled of all diferent kinds of fellings. a mixture of all. SIGHX!!!!! im really very confused!!!!
"GOD! please show me the way. im lost. im really totally lost. bring me back to the path that is named "happy". stop me from crying. stop me from everything. i TOTALLY lost. lost deep in the woods. so deep and so dark, i cant even see my fingers. GOD! help me. please! *cries* in jesus name, i pray. amen."
SIGHX!!! i really regret going back to primary school. it made me.... feel....... LOST ALL OVER AGAIN!!! why must this happen AGAIN AND AGAIN!!! i dun want to repeat the BAD pasts. i want the GOOD PASTS!!!! the innocent pasts!! the innocent me!! innocent EVERYTHING!!! SIGHX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!! choked up with the tears here. this is the worst teachers' day i ever had!!! i NEVER did felt this way!!!!! i was always jumping around WITH A SMILE. but now?! not even a expression. ANGRY? FRUSTRATED? JEALOUS? DISSAPOINTED? so what if i feel HORRIBLE. nothing is going to change between i and bryan's 'sister-brother' relationship! SIGHX! i just have to HOPE that everything would turn out great. like what Ovid (a poet, i think) said, "My hopes are not always realised, but i always hope." i HOPE that everything would turn out just great and i will not feel this horrible again. "So God, i pray now. that you will guide me the way to the correct path. lead the way, Lord. im lost. REALLY VERY LOST. guide me. bring me and bryan's 'sister-brother' relationship back to the happy path. God. lead me. in jesus name, i pray. amen." *CRIES*
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten
