looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
13th October 2006 - 12.43am
hmm... my heart is still cramp now, how? sighx. i cant seem to laugh. or forget about him a second. i kept on thinking how i blowed our love ytd at the feneral. sighs. i didnt see him there. i was smsing him. sighs. then.. ai ya. if you saw my previous post. you should know what happened. what i felt ytd, i still felt it now. sighs. but i dun feel like screaming now. i feel like crying. but i feel not worth it. anwx. my tears had the same thinking and it just dont roll out. sighs.
I BLOWED IT I BLOWED IT big time!!
i cant believe i just snapped at him like that. not thinking of the future, OUR future. sighs sighs sighs. SIGHS! my heart feel to cramp to do anything now including sleeping. my heart felt like its numb and useless. just there for the sake of being there. adding on to the burden of my body. sighs. here i am now listening to jay chou's song knowing that u like it, in fact you LOVE it. here i am feeling awful yet you dont seem to know or care. i told myself that it was the cold air of the air-con that made my heart numb. but in here ( heart ) ,i know that the cold air only made my body cold, causing it to be numb. it is YOU that made my heart numb. it seems like you tricked my heart in to giving you the precious. worst, you squeezed out all the feelings in my heart and swallowed it in front of it, leaving just the figure there. and empty shell with nothing inside, but horror, fear and everything you can name. here is a poem i think its nice and it suits my feelings now. its from a book i am still reading now.
here's the poem.
i stand before you
waiting
lost
out of balance
like a violet plucked from the dewy grass too early.
dont leave before the petals fall
a moment too soon or too late makes all the difference now.
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten
