looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
16th October 2006 - 10.11 pm
i hit rock bottom already. can somebody help me up? sighs. im already in a horrid mood and when after my nap, i thought everything is going to get better. but its was only a THOUGHT, not it reality. reality was even worse then i thought. i already hit rock bottom and now what. scoldings and naggings. they are practically adding salt and water to my wounds. im already sad, dissapointed, frustrated, all the emotions you can think of. i even decline fun with my frens lah. and always never do that. i would always find ways to go. i will plead and plead my 'rents to let me go. but now, i, myself wanted some time alone. sighs. i was tired, real tired. but my dad just cant stop giving me his attidude. what the freak man. cant he see my face?! the moment im awoke from my nap, i cried, just cried for no reason. sighs. tears that were restrained itself from pouring the last few is now pouring at once. like a thunder storm, a typhoon maybe. : ' ( sighs. pouring non-stop. my dad forced e to borrow at least one chinese story book os my chi is horrid. but i still find its alright. expectations high. thats the prob with them, or rather him. but i was TIRED. with all that crying, depressing, i got tired. but he just wouldnt let me go home. he wanted me to go to the library to borrow chi books. sighs. and that was that. sighs... what can i do?! run away? whatever. i haven reach that rebellious stage yet. and i dun want to. at least i still have a mum that understands me. so why should i and let her suffer when she did nothing wrong? hmm.. i think some ppl caught me. my main reason to go home ALONE was that i want to cry. and YES! you are so clever. i want to cry at home ALONE. 'rents-free. sighs. but my dad just dont let. sighs. i thought i could cry in the toilet while bathing. but i couldnt. i did not know or remember what i thought. but now as i write this post. hearing to the song 'I Believe In You (Je Crois En Toi)'. sang by Il Divo Feat. Celine Dion. my eyes are choked all over again. sighs. but i cant cry. my 'rents may just open the door and see me crying. and i dont want that. i dont want to ask me what happened cos that would only add all the sadness and unhappiness. sighs. i rather just hold my tears until i sleep then i cry in my bed. under the blanket. sighs. calvin is trying to cheer me up. but truth is, when i hit rock bottom, its hard to save me and return to my cheerful mood. but u could still try, i dont mind. but i think you are making it worse. you are like saying. 'i like you forever.' but i can tell that its for the sake of saying only. not from the bottom of your heart. you already like <_______>, <_______> and your primary school girls. where do i stand? i think probably at the back of your brain bah. i dun think its going to be even near the heart. dun say the heart. sighs..... good luck in trying to make me happy. but i can tell you honestly. it will never help. thanks anyway. ( " ,
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten
