looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
16th October 2006 - 4.20pm
sighs. today take back results. i feel like crying now. im in no mood to do anything but to write down my feelings in words. after school, cai yun, yan ting, jolynn and kai wen ask me to go and play with them mahjong. cos they need a player more. they didnt expect that kai wen know how to play, so they wanted me to go and play with them. cos i told them i learned how to play through playing in my dad's handphone game, space mahjong. hmm.. but i wasnt in any mood. i feel like crying, but i cant. i dont dare. sighs. initially, i didnt want to. but just agreed apon saying, "see my mum agree or not first.". i know myself very clearly i did not want any of this now. sighs. thet went to cai yun aunt's house and play. so i walk home after they left to go her house. it was quite near. i stayed at 140 while she stayed in 143. they all said "so close also dun want go and play. sigh yo.. you ah...." hmm.. i just smiled and waved "goodbye" and went. i was feeling like crying and alone. so i took out my mp3. i hear the songs that jay chou sang. tui hou, feng and xing yu. sighs. all sad songs. i so wanted to cry. but i dont want. yan ru jie jie said before this phrase that practically stuck in my head for eternity. she said
"a girl should never cry over a guy cos it meant that the guy is not worth of your love. a guy that really care for you, will never make his loved one cry."
i've gotta admit that was true, TOO true to face it. sighs. all of you that are reading this post now might be a little confused. cos you are thinking that i want to cry cos of my bad results im getting. but... no.. im not. its over a guy, i have to sadly admit. sighs.
today, there was no geog. ms chan was sick or something and she never come. so, we went to the hall to have the period. to my class, its considered FREE period. but to me, i think its a total torture. our class will always tend to play 'true or dare'. i didnt want to play. but there was nothing to do. so.. sighs. ok loh. for the sake of it. sighs. i was very happy then. i mean i will have to get over with my results sooner or later. why not now? i could have as much fun as i want. i and cai yun was in the crazy mood when we came back from the toilet. we escaped to the toilet. we came back and saw the guys playing 'true or dare'. so the girls or rather, some of the girls played. ellen, cai yun, me, jol, wai ying, ain, fira, jia yi, valerie. someone spinned and it landed on me. sighs. NOW WHAT?! cai yun and jol knows that someone wants to jio me but i just wouldnt tell them. even though it was real obvious that its 'calvin' (a name i pick for him). sighs. then they asked me to pick 'true' or 'dare'. i picked 'true', just in case they call me do something stupid like saying 'i like you' to calvin. which was something i really want to say to him. but i think i just keep in my heart. just let go and shut it up. sighs. they forced me to say who was it. i just coludnt say. he was there! right there. how can i say?! HOW COULD I?! it would be a total embarrasing thing for me AND HIM. i rather suffer alone then with him. sighs. they thought it was somebody they do not know and not in this class. hope it was! but it was not. he is right there. the NEXT group. sighs. so i just took the opportunity when someone said what class, i just said it was from our class. and that was that. i think cal vin heard every detail our group said. sighs. what made the embarrassing worse was that wai ying went to the guys' group ans said,"who jio isabel ah?". i bet calvin will hate me for eternity. he just said that he like me a little. but i took it that he liked me and wants me to be his girl. but.... i think i must have made my imagination ran wild. sighs. what made me like this was i think when somebody took calvin's rumoured like girl's hairband and put it on his mouth. OMG!!!! sighs. i was shocked but what can i do? i just have to cheer along with my frens. only this can disguise my love for you. but i think if you really look close and detailed enough. i wasnt really in to the cheering. i felt like a sour lemon. as sour as lemon, oe even more sour. i felt cramped inside all over again. sighs. i finally throw aside the crampness but now, its back for revenge. and its revenge was doubled. my heart was piercing needles. i cant stand it anymore. but i cant seem to give up. AH.......................................... sighs.
im getting the headaches again. im going to nap now. hope that this nap could kill your shadow in my heart. and relieved my heart from the pain. only then I COULD BE FREE AS A BIRD.. sighs. wish me luck!
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten
