looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
10th November 2006 - 12.26am
hahas. its real late huh. im tired but i know that even if i lie on my bed ready for sleep. i will not be able to sleep. i know that very well. i could flip in my bed for hours and not getting to sleep. hahas. you are sure to think i have things in my brain that makes me scared or something. hahas. not really. there are things but not something that makes me scared. it makes me feel.... i need a BIG breath. you know... hahas. erm... lack of oxygen or something like that. hard to put in words. hmm.. but its not a very nice feeling.
i just watched princess hours. today's episode. i taped it cos i will miss today's de. i gotta go see my 'kim kim' hahas. that is.. my mum's bro wife. hahas. she gave birth to her third child, a girl. anws. i saw today;'s episode. it was so sad. i almost cried. but my mum was just beside me. so i just gotta hold back the tears. sighs. i watched until it ended. then i hurry told my 'rents that i'm going to go sleep. which was a total excuse. i need a BIG breath. i breathe in and out. it felt nice for a while. but it went back again. sighs. i still horrible. hahas. i think no one would care especially him. i dun think he even care if im dead. he will be like. "oh... she's dead. hahas." HA! hmm... i told myself im going to get back at him. make him like me then play with his feelings then all of a sudden dun care about him. but do you think its possible? hahas. no! another day dream of mine. he liking me is already hard. dun say toy his feelings. it may turned out HE playing with MINE! hahas. i know im crazy. laughing at these sad points. has.to say the truth. what happened to me too. i know i changed. changed into a totally crazy freak. hahas. im crazy i know. shut up. bad mood lady here. sighs.
im so pathetic. pathetic until... valerie and ellen also sad for me. they know i like him. today, after maths enrichment, i went to find jol in the dance studio. chinese dance was inside. i sat there looking at them, kinda feeling like odd and idoitic. hahas. then val and ellen talk to me. i was taking my hp then. val and ellen was like "hey! how's you and that who ah? ya.. <____>"<____> is also calvin. then they took my hp to see the sms. i told them "sigh ya.. he dun want care me then i dun care him loh. he dun even want to reply my sms-es lah. we about one week plus never sms le." they looked at me. i looked back at them. then ellen said, "you sure very heart broken hoh?" hahas. you bet! but i didnt ans back i just smiled then laughed a little. then they see my sms. really no sign of his sms-es. they really believed it then. my hp has no sign of fun anymore. no more romantic sms. sighs. i really regretted saying "no" to him three times you know! sighs. but i figured out that if i was his girlfriend, his heart isnt in me. he wont dare to tell everybody. 'it will be our secret.' like what he said. i also just knew that he stead with his so-called perfect girl, <______>. hahas. i was kinda shocked. stead and no stead, no difference. they dun even look at each other nor talk, dun say holding hands. hahas. steads, no holding of hands, no talking, and not even a look at each other. what shit relationship is this?! oh.. i know... his way of saying 'i love you'! hahas. i rather be a pathetic single then having to survive this kind of torture and embarrassment. hahas. you stead with a guy u like but you dun even talk to each other, look at each other, go out, hold hands. hahas. then whats the use of having this boyfriend. AT LEAST just a few chats, that kind of thing. but to me, TOO LITTLE! hahas. :)
sometimes i wonder why i even like him! he is not really very cute nor handsome. he treats me cold and hot. he is totally pervertic. GOSH! doent talk at all. laughs like a hyena. he is SO tanned, as in that kind of malay skin, or maybe even indian. he is not tall. he doent have the muscles. when he laughs, his mouth opens so big until it can fit a beach ball! :) EWW!!!!!! why i even like him?! gosh!!! so yucky!
i shall officially announce that... im GIVING UP! :)
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten
