looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
19th October 2006 - 1.14am
sighs. looking back at the smses he send me. i can say i was happy at first but... when i was bathing, GOD seem to give me an ans. and it was an ans that i was scared to hear. "NO." sighs. but what GOD say was true. and it is ALWAYS TRUE. true love is my main critiria for a relationship i want. but this is not. ok.. he asked me. nvm.. here's the sms conversation. i dunno how to say in my own words.just see the conversation and you will get what i mean.
calvin : I lyke u... 4 real... but not as much as i love <______>...
* sighs. *
me : haha. ok.. lets say.. what if i like you?
calvin : Den, fine wif me...
me : what you mean by fine with me?
* i really dun understand. really. *
calvin : I can take it... means, seriously considered
* do you understand this at all? i dun. *
me : huh? seriously considered what?
* and i mean really what? us? *
calvin : Take u as my gf if u lyke me n i lyke u... can c anot?
me : oh... can see can see. i not blind you know.
* im being sarcastic here. haha. *
calvin : Ok... get bac 2 the point, u lyke me?
* of cos i like you but.... sighs. *
me : but you still like <______> right?
* it hurt when i say that. *
calvin : Ya, i still lyke her now, but... seriously u tell me dis... u lyke me? dun care bout other things first...
* i dun want to say i like him cos i scared to be rejected. sighs. i rather like him then him rejecting me. *
me : i dun dare to say here. can i say in my blog? i dun want to say here. can?
* i was scared, real scared. *
calvin : Jus sae wat u wan NOW! i dun have the time 2 waste on waiting 4 yr reply... pls... tell here.
* OMG!!!! u see the first sentence. it felt like a punch in my face you know. i was so shocked, scared, terrified that i went cold and almost cried. *
me : ok ok. i'll say it here. dun get so worked up. fine. i like you. dun be angry alright?
* i was still kinda shivering from the cold and the shocked. i really mean shocked and scared. *
calvin : U lyke me... y? m i gd 2 u?
* this is NOT love is. loving someone doesnt mean that the other half have to be nice to them. *
me : i dunno.
* i cant find any words to describe my feelings now. but im sure that i haven recovered from the shivers i got. *
calvin : Ok lah... u lyke me... ok... gd... i tot nvr like me...
* come on please. i like u BEFORE you even like me. DURR.. *
me : u scared me just now you know.
* i think scared is only 1/4 of what im feeling. *
calvin : Nvm... wan stead?
* DURR.. of cos i want stead but... this is NOT the love im looking for. sighs *
me : but u still like carmen right?
* praying that the the ans will make me rejoiced and relieved. *
calvin : <______> can... but i dunno she like me anot... but u, confirm liaoz
* sighs. 'perfect' ans, i guess. *
me : what if <______> like you?
* please say something like you will reject her. *
calvin : Mayb i change my mind n jio her lah.
* AH..... sighs... *
me : you see........
calvin : But u lyke me, n i can consider u...
me : but that is NOT true love.
* and i mean it by thats NOT true love. *
calvin : wat u mean by true love?
* OMG!! pathetic. *
me : loving her only and deeply. no two-timing.
calvin : So, u wan me 2 love either u or <______> arh?
* sighs. yes but no. sighs. *
me : kinda.
* HAHA! kinda. what a good liar am i! sighs. *
calvin : i waiting 4 her reply if she love me anot... so, i can choose u loh... darling
* OMG!!! it is supposed to put me in smiles. but instead it made me PUKE! what does that mean? sighs. dun wanna think bout it. *
i never reply, i was using the net.
calvin : i noe i can't release carmen, but i lyke u 2
OMG. i dunno what am i doing now? liking a guy that... AGH... dont even dare to think bout it. darling? to say the truth, i hate people, except my girl friends, to call me darling. it made me puke easily. lucky, im not sick or i might spill all over the floor. outsiders might think aww.... how sweet. a guy calling me darling. or maybe some may think how lucky am i that i can actually have the guy i like me back plus a bonus of him calling me darling. but i think u should be in this WHOLE situation then u reconsider and say your stand again. yes. THAT darling PART is a total "OMG!! I LOVE HIM!!". but. when u are in this situation. i guess you might be in the same horrible plight like im having now. and you will regret your whole life saying that its so sweet. sighs. advice me what to do? please..? thank you. appreciate it. ( " ,
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten
