looking back at my FOND MEMORIES. :)
7th November 2006 - 12.14am
sighs. have you thought of suicide? hahas. yes would be the most possible answer, cos thats mine.
i failed in everything. love, family, studies, friends, attitude. EVEYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i surrender! i give up! im done!
screams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from the soul = a silent surrender of the heart.
sighs seem to be my common word. and also the feeling with it. surrounding me? NO! more like its in me. agony, sadness, tragedys, heartbreaks, revenges, betrayals, pain, wounds, restrictions. yet not a hint of real happiness once felt. sighs. its hurting deep. like a blade stabbed in the heart and out again. letting pain and germs in and blood out. red, bloody scenes appearing. heart broken, shattered into pieces, too much to retrieve. blurred image, caused by tears, flowing non-stop. sighs. i dun think anybody would be interested in this dying scene of mine. especially him. he doesn't even care if im alive or dead. as if i doesn't even existed. sighs. pain pain pain. "its hurting, darling." sighs. i guess your reply will be "whose your darling? and just go away. im busy." sighs. you were the one calling me darling first. and never did you say im busy to me. but now. times change.
im hurting already but life haven't had enough. life is still pouring buckets and buckets of salt water on my fresh bleeding wounds. ouch! more than that.
im in such agony. agony means having extreme physical OR mental suffering. im both. physical AND mentally. mostly on mentally. to me, the physical comes from the swollen eyes, cold hands and feet, bruised ankle and the lack of oxygen to the heart. sighs. sighs. sighs. sighs. sighs is all i can think of now. i dun want to feel this way but i cannot help it. tear welling up in the eyes. is it that hurting? you might ask. yes. yes, it hurting hard. every punch in every breath. that's how hurting.
CAN ALL THIS BE EXORCISE?! i doubt so huh?! sighs. )':
RESTRICTIONS, RESTRICTIONS, AND MORE RESTRICTIONS!! i've had it. how much more restrictions do you want to put on me?! cant you see the tears in my eyes?! even the time i sleep, you also have to restrict!!!!!! THIS REALLY HAVE GONE TO FAR! by midnight, lights out! what do you see me as?! your daughter or a slave?! slave right? forget it! im already finished! do what you like. kill me! i'll appreciate that. )':
these are all in the past. ; meant to be forgetten